Doubts and Hates and Happily Ever Afters
by Lkay09
Summary: Lily and James's relationship through Sirius POV. Rated for language.


**So I got the lucky opportunity to use a computer with Internet, so I decided to upload some of my old one-shots that I found. They probably aren't that great because they were written ages ago.  
L/J with hints of R/S - only hints though, sorry :) Enjoy.  
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I knew she was trouble. From the first day I met Lily Evans on the train, I knew she was trouble. It was kind of my fault James got involved with her – I dared him to play a prank on her, and he did. That was supposed to be the end of it. I could have cared less about her, but James…he had a thing for her almost instantly, and Remus and I could tell it was only going to hurt him down the road.

And it did. It ripped him to shreds sometimes. James and I…well, Evans was right – we were arrogant assholes. But for all his arrogance, James always loved her. Always. No matter how many times I tried to tell him to get over her, to find someone else, he always ignored me, or insisted there was no-one else he wanted. Only Evans, and he wasn't going to rest until he got her.

She hated him. I hated her. More than I've ever hated anyone in my life, except Snivellus and my family. I think, in another life perhaps, she and I could have gotten along wonderfully. But she repeatedly stomped on my best friends heart, beat him down into misery, and so I was duty-bound to abhor her.

James and I got into so many fights about her, but he would never listen to me. He was practically my brother, and it killed me time and time again to see what she put him through.

He dated a lot of girls at Hogwarts – there's no point in denying it. But only the other Marauders and I knew why.

There was a multitude of reasons – to make Evans jealous, to forget about her, to move on, to find someone who might love him in return. But none of them happened. Sure, those girls loved him – they adored him, worshipped the ground he walked on. But they didn't _love_ him. You know, heart-beating-faster, butterflies-in-your-tummy, can't-bear-to-spend-a-minute-apart _love_. The way he felt about her.

I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I almost jinxed her. Remus usually stopped me, reminding me that while it might make me feel good, James would never forgive me.

She always said he was an extremely arrogant, conceited toerag, and she was partly right – that was the face he showed to the school. But I saw different. I saw his expression after she walked away yet again. The cocky smirk faded, and the light left his eyes, replaced by a deep, agonizing pain. His shoulders slumped. All the fire and determination seemed to have gone out of him. My heart ached for my best friend, and for everything he couldn't seem to stop doing or stop feeling.

By fifth year, his attempts had become more and more half-hearted, and Evans more and more cold-hearted. The whole scene by the lake left him completely broken, defeated like I had never seen. After everyone had dispersed, I saw his gaze turn towards the red-head who still held his heart. I could tell how badly she had hurt him with what she said.

A tear slipped down his cheek, but he wiped it away and turned back towards us with a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

When I saw Evans two days later, I snapped. Remus tried everything he could to hold me back, but I was so pissed at her I could barely see straight.

She stopped walking when she saw me coming, then stuck her chin out. It was that, more than anything, that made me want to hex the living daylights out of her.

"Black," she said curtly, before moving to walk past me. I wouldn't let her – I grabbed her upper arm.

"What do you want?" she hissed.

"Honestly? I would love nothing more than to hex you until you can't move or cry for help. But since that would kill James, I won't."

She made an impatient sound, and tried to wrench her arm from my grasp.

"_Let…go_."

"Not until you hear me out." She stopped fidgeting and simply looked at me.

"I know you're a cold-hearted bitch-" she looked affronted but I ignored it "-but James hasn't seemed to realize it, no matter what I say to him. But what _you_ said to him the other day was just fucked up. He didn't deserve that, even from you Evans. Don't you think you've broken his heart enough?"

"Please," she scoffed. "Broken his heart? Are you kidding me? Potter doesn't give a rat's ass about me. The only reason he's still after me is because he enjoys the chase. I don't fall at his feet like the rest of the school, but he's determined to make me, because he's James fucking Potter, and everyone must worship."

Losing my last remnant of control, I shoved her against the wall. Not hard enough to hurt her, but hard enough to scare her. Her eyes widened.

"You are so fucking messed up Evans, I don't even know where to start. Do you honestly believe that James would have chased after you for all these years after all the humiliation you gave him for _a challenge_? Are you barking? James has been in love with you since he set eyes on you. He went out with other girls to get you out of his head. He asked you out because he _needs_ you, for reasons that I can't comprehend. And you don't deserve him, because you have a stick up your ass and you refuse to see what is right in front of your face. He deserves so much better than you, but he refuses to accept that. If I _ever_ see you treat him like that _ever_ again, I will not be responsible for what happens to you. Understand?"

She was so pale by this point she rivaled that Malfoy git. She nodded, and I let go of her arm before turning and walking away. Remus caught up to me a few minutes later and slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it for reassurance. I was so angry I barely noticed.

They avoided each other for the rest of fifth year, and nearly all of sixth. I could tell how much it ate James up to leave her alone. She was all he'd wanted since he was eleven, and now he was forcing himself to let her go. I saw him gaze at her sometimes, the longing in his eyes painfully evident. Every now and then, she looked up at him as well, but it wasn't longing in her eyes. It was a curiosity, and a kind of hurt. I didn't care what she felt, as long as she didn't play with Prongs's heart.

James seemed to slip into a depression a lot of the time. He hardly acted like himself – I think he was trying to make himself worthy of her, although in my opinion she was always the one who wasn't good enough. He didn't play as many pranks, and he spent a lot of his time in the library studying. When he was in the dorm, he laughed less, slept less, ate less, and talked less. It was like he was wasting away in front of us.

All we could do was hope that after the summer, he would be more like himself.

And he was – until he returned to our compartment and informed us that Evans was Head Girl. The news dejected him, but he returned to laughing and joking more quickly than he had last year, giving the three of us hope that he was actually going to move on.

He and Evans became sort of friends – they had to get along, they were Heads and they lived together. But I always still worried about James. I knew that no matter how hard he tried, Evans was always going to have some kind of hold on his heart, although he seemed to be better since they were friends. He was holding on to some kind of hope that she might still have feelings for him.

When he walked into our dorms with a sappy smile on his face and dreamily announced that Evans had kissed him, I didn't know how to react. On the one hand, I was thrilled for him – he finally got the girl of his dreams. On the other hand, I was so worried that she was going to change her mind, or that this was some kind of revenge for the embarrassing ways he had asked her out over the years. James would be utterly crushed if he lost her now.

I cornered Evans again after dinner a few days later.

"What do you think you're doing to James?" I asked her bluntly. No shoving against the wall this time – it wasn't necessary, and I knew that she would tell James. It was still a wonder to me that she hadn't told him about when I yelled at her in fifth year.

"What do you mean?" she asked warily.

"I mean, by kissing him and going out with him."

To my surprise, she blushed slightly, and got this silly grin on her face.

"Well?" I asked impatiently when she showed signs of drifting off into another world. She snapped back to reality and looked at me. "I won't have you fucking with his heart any more, Evans. If I find out you aren't sincere about being with him, or if you hurt him, I will not be responsible for my actions."

She arched an eyebrow, no longer as scared of me as she used to be.

"You don't have to worry, Sirius." My shock that she had called me by my first name overruled my desire to interrupt. "I'm not playing games with him or leading him on. I have no intention of breaking up with him or hurting him or humiliating him. I'm in love with him," she said simply. "And your determination to protect him…should Remus be jealous?"

I growled.

"Just don't fuck him up, Evans."

"Lily," she said clearly. "My name is Lily, and since James and I are going to be together for the foreseeable future, maybe you should use it."

"Fine. Just don't fuck him up, _Lily_." She nodded and walked away.

And she didn't. I could see how every day they fell more head over heels in love, how James was truly, blissfully happy for the first time in…who knows how long. I could even see it in Ev-Lily's eyes, how happy she was with him, how much she loved him. Slowly, I accepted Lily as part of James's life, although I was always careful to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn't hurt him.

Until today, that is.

They got married a few hours ago, and I can see how happy they are, how meant for each other they are. And I don't need to watch James's back when it comes to her anymore, because I no longer believe she could intentionally hurt him. It would kill her.

James and Lily look so happy together, even in the midst of the chaos that the country is right now because of Voldemort. If it was possible, I would venture to say that Lily loved him more than he loved her, but knowing James as well as I do, that isn't possible.

After a few dances, James went to speak to his parents and Lily ventured over to me.

"Having fun Sirius?"

I nod and smile.

"James looks really happy today Lils."

She blushes and smiles from ear to ear. "You think?"

"Of course."

"Good." Lily is glowing, and if it weren't for the fact that both of us are already taken by wonderful and possessive people, I would seriously consider hitting on her.

"Thank you Lily." She looks at me questioningly. "For making James this happy," I clarify, and I swear she smiles even bigger. Her face practically matches her hair now. "He's always loved you, no matter how many times I tried to convince him to stay the hell away from you, and now I'm glad he never listened. I've never seen him this happy. So thank you for that."

"Oi! Padfoot! What are you doing with my wife?" I turn to make a remark, but not before I see Lily blush at the word 'wife'. James walks over to us and wraps his arms around Lily's waist, his wedding band glinting in the sun.

"I was trying to convince her to ditch you and run away with me," I joke.

"I hope not," comes Remus's voice from behind us. He laces his fingers through mine as the four of us laugh.

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**The end! Review please! THANK YOU!**


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